We Got Daft Punk’s Aussie M8s Parcels To Interview Each Other, And It Was A Hilarious Mess
11 October 2018 News
The rising indie outfit, who have tallied up some serious airtime with songs like ‘Overnight’, ‘Tieduprightnow’ and ‘Lightenup’, have just released their self-titled debut album.
So, to celebrate, we asked band members Noah Hill and Patrick Hetherington to interview each other, before they return to Australia for an east coast tour.
It was meant to be a serious discussion about politics, music, poetry and the prison industrial complex, but quickly turned into a tongue-in-cheek dialogue about prawns, iced coffee, Donald Trump, Walt Disney and serious allegations regarding tensions within the band.
So, without further ado, here’s Noah and Pat interviewing each other, and creating a hilarious mess in the process.
Parcels Interview Parcels: Noah vs. Pat
Noah: So Patrick, I read in a recent interview that you agree with a lot of Donald Trump’s policies. Can you expand upon that?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent Trump supporter here. I believe that people aren’t equal, some are simply better than others and they deserve more. Away with human rights! Away with internationalism! Away with equality and compassion! Away with logic!
Noah: I know you and Kanye West have been known to share a bottle or two at your Neukölln apartment, talking politics, music and how you think aesthetic beauty and plastic surgery is super important in this day and age. What have you got to say about that?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent supporter of Kanye, and plastic surgery. Ugly people are some of the ones I mentioned above, they fall into the lowest category of society’s miscreants. So the ones with money have a personal responsibility to fix themselves. We can’t have people roaming the streets looking individual, and we can’t have people gaining misguided self-worth when they don’t look like people in magazines. What kind of chaos would that be!
Noah: Everyone knows you have a slight obsession with prawns. On our rider, you ask for one prawn, cooked or uncooked, dead or alive. Do you have any respect for the animal kingdom, or is it just prawns that you seem keen to punish?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent punishment. Prawns for me are more of a metaphor for all pathetic forms of life, kind of like some of the ones I mentioned above. And I believe that animals don’t have any sort of consciousness worthy of my registering, so why shouldn’t I just have them killed and manipulated for the sake of my own personal pleasure?
Noah: We recently watched ‘Saw II’ together in a hotel room in Paris, and I recall you telling me, “I would love to be the Jigsaw.” Do you see any similarities between yourself and him?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent an inspiration for me. I like how he creates the most devastating, disturbing situations and then toys with his victims psychologically even more, so they’re truly traumatised. Also a big fan of all the brutal gory murder stuff, I think there’s something we can all take away from that.
Noah: In the music video for your latest single ‘Lightenup’, you played the role of a cult leader. Can you imagine any reason why the Director and Creative Director gave you this role? Do you feel like it aligns with any real aspects of your life?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent realistic. I actually wrote myself into that role. I’m actually in the process of signing up my first members to ‘Prawnadeaus’, though they’re not so much a cult as a like-minded group of prawn worshipers willing to give up their money and personal rights to me. If you know anyone who might be interested you can tell them to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Noah: In many of your old bands, you were the guitarist. But for Parcels, you have been shunned to the keyboard, what some would call the less glamorous of the two instruments. How does this effect your’s and Jules’ relationship?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent. Indeed I was shunned to the keyboard, which as everyone knows is useless and cumbersome (I don’t know why there are two keyboard players in our band). I haven’t actually spoken to Jules since we started the band, only on stage and in interviews, but Jules if you’re reading this you should watch your back my friend. Before you know it there might be two guitarists in this band, and I know who will be playing rhythm and who will be taking the lead.
Noah: You are famously an expert of Wi-Fi. Could you please tell us all you know about it? Where is it kept, where are the passwords etc.
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent Wi-Fi expertise. Wi-Fi is something we discuss in our Prawnadeaus meetings, but I’m certainly not at liberty to open up about it publicly. As mentioned previously, you can email me and once you’ve paid the initial membership fee you can begin to learn about the marvels of this modern wizardry.
Noah: Despite your terrific knowledge of the internet, you have been using unsophisticated forms of communication, using a Nokia brick phone for most of your life. I see you have upgraded to the iPhone 5 recently. How is it going, are you overwhelmed with this new gadget?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent overwhelmed. I understand the Wi-Fi component but these ‘Apps’ are a mystery to me.
Noah: Me and you share roles in Parcels, being part of the social media team. Me doing Instagram and you Facebook. When do you think will be the right time to purchase mobile data so you can Facebook post on the go, rather than requesting my phone?
Pat: Absolutely. 100 per cent. The thing is, you see, if I just use your data it’s much cheaper for me. So no plans to change on my side.
Noah: And lastly, do you think Parcels would be a better band without you in it?
Pat: Absolutely not. 100 per cent not. You think you lot can get along without me and my superior Wi-Fi knowledge? Ha! I don’t need any of you! I would trade you all for Wi-Fi if I could. Or prawns. I don’t need any of you at all! I am Shakespeare.
Disclaimer: Fuck Trump and everything he stands for. I do not endorse plastic surgery or cosmetic consumerism. Animals are conscious and important beings and should be treated as such. ‘Saw’ is great. Cults are bad. Keyboard is a crucial and sexy element of Parcels.
Parcels Interview Parcels: Pat vs. Noah
Pat: There have been speculations, over the years, that Walt Disney was perhaps a racist. Now I know your stance on racism, and I certainly know your stance on Disney films. So will you be watching the new Mulan film? (out now, but not endorsed by Parcels)
Noah: Knowing my love for Disney like you do Patrick, you put me in a difficult situation. I denounce all racism or any knowledge of Mr Disney’s prejudices. I simply love the wonderful world of animation and the stories that he brings. And no, a real life version of Mulan does not excite me. Eddie Murphy’s voice for Mushu would just be a depressing watch.
Pat: I’m aware that you are a big Woody Allen fan (despite some believing his movies to be fluffy and middle of the road). What do you make of the current controversy and assault allegations? Can you still endorse his work?
Noah: I’m sensing a real desire to stir the pot with these questions Pat. Not appreciated. We’re on the same bus, throwing me under it is going to rock the whole trip. However, I will answer, as I must.
Yes, Woody Allen is a comical and filmic genius. Those who appreciate clever wit and self-deprecation in film will understand his insight into the world. It hurts to hear of these allegations, I of course do not endorse any misconduct he may have done, but I will continue to enjoy his films.
Pat: I know that you occasionally wake yourself up in the night with an unintentional grunt, yet you have a hatred for people who make noises in their sleep. Do you consider yourself a hypocrite or can you differentiate the two forms of night noise?
Noah: Yes, being the person I share my hotel room with, you have become privy to my unintentional grunt that has on occasion woken myself up. And yes, snoring is perhaps my biggest hate in this world. The difference is my unintentional grunt, which you have said sounds like a very satisfied and content grunt, only wakes me up and actually gives you a lot of joy. Snoring deprives other people of sleep, I give you comedy. I hear you laughing as I wake myself up. Very different.
Pat: I’m absolutely familiar with your love of simple iced coffee, and your hatred for cream and things of that nature. How much money would you need to be paid in order to drink a full iced coffee with ice cream, whipped cream and chocolate powder on top?
Noah: Simply wouldn’t. Iced coffee with any additives is a crime.
Pat: It’s clear to me that you have an unquestionable love for the act of sitting down. Please tell me, what was your favourite ever seat?
Noah: I’m really coming off as a super old codger in this, cheers Pat. My favourite would be me old arm chair, where I can watch ‘Countdown’ and do my sudoku.
Pat: There have been rumours of tensions within the band, ‘bickering’ if you will. Now I questioned drummer Anatole (Toto) Serret earlier today and he told me that you were the root of the issue. Can you open up about the internal fighting? Do you have a response to Toto’s slander?
Noah: No comment. Anything more can be asked to my attorney, who will be here shortly.
Pat: I also spoke to [keyboardist] Louie Swain a few days ago, he told me that you were not the best bass player in the world, in fact he said you weren’t even the best bass player in Parcels! Any response to Louie’s slander?
Noah: No comment.
Pat: [Guitarist] Jules Crommelin was quoted anonymously as saying, ‘I hate Noah. He’s always grunting in his sleep and I don’t like his hair.’ Any response to these harsh words?
Noah: Honesty, I’ve got nothing more to say to you.
Pat: TMZ ran an article last fall about your substance abuse, lack of productivity and your decline into troubled narcissism. Afterwards you checked in to rehab, correct? Have you changed? Any words of advice for people who struggle with similar problems?
Noah: No comment.
Pat: Finally, do you have any general feelings or comments about prawns?
Noah: Yeah prawns, love prawns.
Parcels’ debut self-titled album is out now. The band will tour Australia in January.
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